I am afab (assigned female at bith), so my gender was assigned to me without my consent when I was born. I was stuck this label on my skin, without even knowing what it entails and being able to have no say in it. The reverse in this binary world is amab (assigned male at birth). The more the years passed, the less I understood what this binary relationship to gender could bring: not only does it muzzles men and forces them to live with a heavy weight that society imposes on them (strength, endurance, war, without being able to really manage in a healthy way and treat their traumas while they undergo them because it is intrinsically their role to play in this system to reproduce it); but the fate of women is also not without suffering (care, reproduction, peace / gentleness).

     When it came time to learn what “being feminine” means in society, I ran into an issue that I couldn’t yet name: gender dysphoria. It was a feeling of unease, permanent discomfort, self–loathing, of being a sham, of having to play a role that is not me, but for what purpose did one have to conform to this point what society dictates? I learned to take care of my body through these codes, but I was not happy. Today I am feeling gender euphoria, quite the opposite of what I have described. Why? Because I no longer follow the rules of gender binarity, and I choose at each moment what I want to do. My gender is fluid (genderfluide), it changes and evolves over time; sometimes I’m a woman, sometimes a man, and the next second neither (non-binary). I don’t have a prefered or specific pronoun, I’m not afraid of being misgendered (I do it to myself ^^).

     Self–diagnosed with several neuroatypical features (i.e. brain function different from the norm) as I learn about them. areas related to the brain and disability (neurobiology, neuranatomy, neuroatypia, psychology, psychosociology), I realize that one of my main specific interests focuses on the mental space of an individual, his perception of the world, of themself and its interactions with the world. I had always had this feeling of a giant gap between me and the world around me. I wasn’t sure if it was from myself or from others, but I realized that I was out of sync with my surroundings in various ways. So, in order to better understand myself, I needed to know the functioning of the people around me, the society in which we live and the “rules” or “norms” that are accepted in order to evolve in this middle, which is why I am interested in the sciences mentioned above.

     I’ve always had this weird feeling of being unfiltered, of being hypersensitive about a lot of things that seem trivial to others. This questioning of perception of one’s environment makes me want to dig into what we could call social education, learn and develop a critical look (verbalize) specific to each person on their situation in the society in which we live, in order to develop despite pitfalls (resilience) and develop tools (to gain independence) in order to live in better conditions. I would also like to train myself in emotional education, in order to better understand our internal emotions, their role and how to recognize them and how to react in a healthy way for oneself and for others.

     While trying to acquire a vision of non-validistic disability (in any case, it is one of my current goals) and to deepen a personal question linked to neuroatypia, I would like to be able to share my knowledge about these subjects, although it would seem to have no connection with my school, professional and extracurricular background (mainly in the arts).

     You have to believe that for a little girl in our heteronormous patriachal capitalist society at the time I was born, the color pink, the tutu and the dance are normal. Probably my energy was channeled from when I was 4 with rhythmic gymnastics, then with ballet until I was 9. I learned to use my body to express myself and to discharge the overflow that I could feel. Much later I resumed regular and intense practice during my teenage years at the Avignon Conservatory, with hip–hop (breakdance, pop, lock) and jazz lessons, and in my high school with salsa cubana. Student without a penny, the practice became extremely irregular, but I kept one foot in this world with a few courses in oriental dance, ragga dancehall, zumba, street jazz.

     I also traveled for 24:30 in a bus from Paris to Krakow where no one spoke French to join Fair Play Dance Camp in August 2015. Failing to be able to resume a regular and high-level sporting activity, I approached the World of Dance team to help out when I could. I love the feeling of giving everything on stage, of literally forgetting yourself under the lights to the beat of the music, and wanting more right after your exit. But before I go back on stage, I would like to regain my proprioception, learn from people I admire, and create choreographed videos!

« Art inspires art. Create outside of dance, explore outside of dance. »

Shaun Evaristo at Fair Play Dance Camp, Krakow, Poland (summer 2015)

     A bit of a jack of all trades, although I don’t particularly delve to a certain level, I still like to try myself at various artistic languages. I started out by using my body through dance but more as my main cathartic way of self-expression. I needed to keep moving, vary my activities, and try out what was at hand. So I started by writing (poems, fanfictions, lemons, one shot, lyrics etc.), and having fun with: the vocabulary, the sound of the words, the punctuation, the metaphors, the utopias / dystopias, the imaginary … I also really like puns, and really define a term, to include it in all these senses (literal as well as figuratively, supported as familiar) to better understand the subject. I am fascinated by the narratology, the telling, the form and content of a story, the creation of a fictional universe.

     I have tried my hand and am looking to diversify my artistic practices through pottery, painting, drawing (Chinese ink), working with clay, wood, cardboard. But I notice that I feel like I am drawn into the rhythm of the music, perhaps because it is present every day of my life and easily accessible. Through singing, choir, flute, guitar, from my teenage years, I hasten to try myself at producing sounds. My musical sensibility can take two forms: the first is an addition of flavors, voluptuousness and strength, where I like to isolate each instrument and discover several tones within the same piece. The second is much more visual, to understand it better, read the following passage on image education.

     The idea of being able to capture a moment, an atmosphere, a landscape or a feeling fascinated me. I watched over the first hybrid camera releases, hoping that one day I would be able to acquire one. I still had a go at framing; to the composition and quickly unsheathe my little coolpix that I always carried on me to capture even the most fleeting moment like lightning. But I quickly fell under the spell of cinema, the moving image but not only. Through the editing, the mixing, the narration, the costumes, the environment, the characters, it had become possible to represent so many things, nuances and flavors! I still remember those Sunday evenings on the sofa in the living room to share a moment in front of the series “Urgences” (ER, USA, 1994-2009) with my family, but even more the sweetness of tasting a series by yourself with “Alias” (USA, 2001-2006) while everyone was gone to bed. It was in the 2nd year of my cinéma diploma that I opened my thoughts to a level at which I dared not: think about the audiovisual sector as a whole. By studying seriality, the narrative processes that keep audiences spellbound, but also the creation, production and reception of these audiovisual works, I noticed how much I loved this area.

     Having bathed in an environment where video games were present from my childhood, where computers and the arrival of the Internet have shaken the life in my entourage, my curiosity and my ideas on the evolution of technique and technology leads me to think of all these movements as flows of information, of data, which can be analyzed upstream, during creation and reception. So I’m very interested in the following question: “Which medium to choose? “. And as I am jack-of-all-trades, I want to try my hand at various and varied creations such as the creation of board games, video games, videos, articles, podcasts, website etc. .

     In order to share my knowledge on the image and new media, so that everyone can seize these tools and understand the world of images in which we are immersed today, I would like to create workshops that can take all forms and facilitate transmission and access to as many people as possible.

“And when you come out the other side of this,
you’re gonna wanna be doing something that matters.”
The Expanse s05e04